Lipstick Whore

It has been pointed out, probably more than once, that I am a lipstick whore. When one sits through the Monica Lewinsky interview and is only curious about what color her lipstick is, you know there is an issue. Kind of gives lipstick and whore a new meaning, sorry couldn't resist! If given the pleasure of defining this term, I would say that a lipstick whore has more than, say, 10 lipstick tubes in her makeup collection, including those in her purse. I know, 10 doesn't constitute a Clinique counter by any means, but how many lipsticks does one woman need? Well, a bunch is the best possible answer.

I recently counted all of my lipsticks/lip balms and ended up with the rather large number of, are you ready for this? 71! What the hell? Why, oh, why does one woman, that doesn't even work, need 71 lipsticks??? I don't know. I can't answer. The only answer that I can offer, and even this is kind of iffy, is that I LOVE lipstick. Lame, I know, but in order to understand, you have to examine my makeup habits.

I wasn't allowed to wear makeup til I was 15. I don't know if that is some magic age in which a young teen channels Mary Kay and is able to apply cosmetics with the precision of an artist or what the deal is. I think that I was allowed to wear foundation, probably in some color that made me look too peachy, eyeshadow, that was probably metallic baby blue, and lipstick, in some tarty shade of sparkly pink. Whatever the colors, as a young girl, I probably looked like I had enrolled in an after school prostitution training program. It couldn't have been good, especially with a bi-level haircut.

Fast forward a few years. I am now in my 30's, ok, late 30's, and have learned more about what colors are flattering on me and maybe even you. I can tell you that peach is a fruit and not a color that should be smeared all over your face. Metallic blue has been outlawed, or should be. Blending is a must and should be taken care of before you leave the house and not a minute after. I will say it again, BLEND! I still haven't figured out mascara. I know someone that admits she is a mascara junkie. It is a hobby for her as lipstick is a hobby for me. I don't do mascara. It bothers my contacts, makes them dry and how can you possibly look good while you are constantly messing with your eyes. Drops just make it run, so I just gave up. I don't curl my eyelashes either. That little grabber/curler/pincher scares me. I couldn't even tell that they curled when I used the little torture device. I do use foundation, only it is the mineral type. Supposedly formulated from all natural ingredients and includes a sunscreen property. No more yucky triangle wedges full of yucky, slimy foundation for me! I simply dip my cute, little Kabuki brush in a bit of the dust and swirl it around on my face and look better than Giselle. Well, not exactly, most of the time I can't even see it on, so who really knows what it looks like. I can still see the damn freckles, or age spots, as my doctor calls them (bastard). Haven't figured out how to rid myself of the spots without turning myself into the female version of Michael Jackson.

All of this cosmetic rhetoric brings me back to my original topic of lipstick. I really have no idea why I have so many. Oddly enough, many of the colors are similiar or a shade or so apart. I also have a few duplicates. One for my purse, one for the makeup drawer, another to store because I love the color and run out quickly. I am not picky about brands either. This is just a small rundown of brands. Lloreal, Clinique, Lorac, Smashbox, Calvin Klein, Victoria Secret, Mary Kay and Chanel can all be found. Some of these tubes are pretty, some are just ugly plastic. It really doesn't matter, I like them all. I am like my own mini-Sephora. The sad thing is, I have a few favorites so many don't even get used, except by Mia, who is finding her inner cover girl and deciding that lipstick is the most important part of her outfit. Let's hope she blends.