Monday, May 19, 2008

A Pickin' and a Pluckin'

Every night, before my nightly shower, I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. I am merely observing the mess of eyebrows and dirty pores that magically appear every day. Really, how fast do eyebrows grow, for God's sake? I have been plucking since forever ago. If I didn't, instead of Christie, well mannered, young woman, with 2 kids, you would be looking at Bert, well mannered Sesame Street character, with an affinity for pigeons. I really have no skill in plucking, it is an art form that I have never mastered. Once, a long time ago, I had my brows waxed. I went to my salon and the sadist appeared, ready to slap the hottest wax she could find in my eye area, before yanking off the offending brows with one swoop. I found the hardest part to be the anticipation of the impending pain. I actually hated the wax more than the yanking. It is HOT! She might as well have dunked my face in a chicken fryer. Ok, so they looked nice, but I was never sure it was worth $21. Anyway, shortly thereafter, I went back to the plucking route. See, if you want a good eyebrow wax, you have to let them grow for awhile so there is something to remove. In reality, that probably wouldn't take me too long. But, and this is important, do you really want people to see your mangy eyebrows while you are waiting for them to grow out? I know, I don't. I am not resorting to the Bert look, unibrows are not my cup of tea. Neither is the white brow I plucked this evening.

As I move on, I stare at my chin and nose. For some reason, I was blessed with big pores that fill with muck faster than a I can keep up with. It really is disgusting and I have yet to find anything that keeps them clear. So, I empty them of their vile gunk. I know you aren't supposed to pick but I just squeeze them a little bit. I don't have scarring so I think I am doing ok. Sometimes, I use a battery operated brush/scrubber deal. You wash your face, smear this gritty cream all over your face, then flip the switch and magically a layer of your skin is removed. You are left with a nice, pink face. Very smooth, too. It cleans the pores but in a couple of days, the scum returns. Short of going to a dermatologist, I am left with a T-zone that looks like Love Canal. Oh, well... What is that saying, you can pick your pores, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friends pores?

Monday, May 5, 2008

TV Time

I am not a big fan of TV. I hate getting sucked in to shows, like Lost, where I am waiting 4 odd years to find out who the heck the "others" are, or why fate dealt those unlucky passengers a most unpleasant hand. As far as being sucked in, for the past 3 years, we have watched American Idol. I was sucked in and, while I enjoy watching, I am sad that I have basically given up an hour of my life on Tuesday night to watch a bunch of amateurs try to become stars.

I remember watching alot of TV when I was younger. Tuesday was such a great night! Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley were treats that rivaled ice cream. Then, there was Saturday night. Who can forget the Love Boat and Fantasy Island? I used to pretend that I was on a cruise ship and my bedroom was a luxurious stateroom. Years later, I saw Titanic and realized I would never set foot on a boat, sharply dressed shipboard doc or not. After seeing reruns, I realized how many people came back on board as different characters. Did Aaron Spelling truly believe we wouldn't notice?On another note, I just finished reading Tori Spelling's book and it was a hoot. Good National Enquirer type reading.

Fantasy Island was a nightmare waiting to happen. There was also that same cast of characters that seemed to magically appear as new people, with new drama attached. Carol Linley and Dennis Cole seemed to make many, many, many appearances. Cole actually has his own website, though it doesn't mention FI at all. Wonder why? Maybe he felt Tattoo violated him in some way and refuses to acknowledge his episodes. Speaking of Tattoo, you know I have this interest in little people. Well, Tattoo, or Herve, was a kinky little guy. I read once that he covered himself with chocolate pudding and wanted his full size girlfriend to lick it off. I'm not sure exactly which part of that makes me gag but it does, for sure. Mr. Roark was really scary. I guess it was the voice but after you hear him do the Volare, Cordoba, or whatever, car commercial, it kind of loses the effect they were hoping for. The supernatural weirdness would get to me and I would often have nightmares. I'm sure my mom wouldn't have let me watch, knowing the after effects. Of course, she let me watch Love Boat and that was full of strangers having sex after dinner at the Captain's Table. Maybe that is where I got my upstanding set of morals.

I also liked, and still like, Scooby Doo, the old ones, not the ones with that idiot, Scrappy. The show hit an all time low when they added him. Of course, now I watch cartoons with Mia. She really enjoys Max&Ruby, which I can tolerate, and Caillou, which I can't. Max&Ruby has a brother and sister bunny and they are cute but don't really have a message. Maybe they do, but I have missed it. Caillou just pushes my buttons. He is a whiny, little pain in the ass. He is scared of the dark, of monsters, of dogs, you name it and the little guy is scared out of his wits. I hear that the voice of Caillou is actually a girl and that she was recently killed in a car crash. Very sad. I hope they don't get a replacement.

Bobby and Max watch TV like there is nothing else in the wide world to do. Bobby will watch FOX til we have heard the same report about Reverend Jeremiah Wright seventeen times. I like Sean Hannity but I think for Bobby it goes deeper. More like Lori Dhue, Megyn Kelly and the other women, that like to broadcast their assets, rather than the news. Is a miniskirt that barely covers your butt good for ratings or is it just a distraction for Geraldo? I will say that he will watch Bill O'Reilly and there is absolutely nothing sexy about him. Please excuse me for being a ninny hammer and popinjay. You look it up, I had to.

Don't know who else will recall, Dance Fever, Facts of Life, Dance Party USA, Peppermint Place, Knot's Landing and a million other shows that I remember from my childhood. I enjoyed watching them all but now don't feel the need to be chained to the televsion, flat screen, HD or not. So many books, so little time.