Monday, October 20, 2008

No foxes on Fox

I used to watch the local news all the time. I used to come home from work, get my dinner and sit down in front of Roger and Cindy. I have seen both in public and was shocked that they aren't nearly as tall as they look on the news. I guess the TV adds height as well as weight, though neither are fat. I have actually seen Cindy, early in the am wearing no makeup! Even newspeople go to Walmart, I guess. One person I thought was kind of hot was Michael Schwanke. He is pretty young, but that's ok. A few years ago, I lived across the street from a big crime scene. A lady was decapitated and burned. I saw a bunch of kids standing around a news guy. It was Michael Schwanke. I headed over, the oldest person by several years to check him, I mean, it out. He was kind of short but otherwise, was pretty cute. It reminds me of that ludicrous movie, "Wayne's World." Wayne and Garth would say, "Schwing," when they saw a hot girl. Well, let me say old Michael got a big, "Schwanke," from me!

Once I married, the local news fell by the wayside. Darling husband seems to be addicted to Fox News. It is ok, but I loathe politics and that is pretty much all they talk about. Or, they pull out some obscure story of a woman stuck on a toilet seat. Nice. Anyway, there are no, I repeat, NO hot newsmen on there. Let's have a look.

I have to say that CNN has the supreme handsome newsman. How can you not love that silver haired, Anderson Cooper? I have heard that he plays for the other team. That is too bad because he is a hottie. Fox? Um, I think that the only guy that can touch Anderson is Sean Hannity. While he is pretty hot, his hair is out of control! It looks like a wig, that needs to be pulled back, as it is meandering too much over his forehead. Still cute though, and pretty much the only reason to watch Hannity and Colmes.

Let's look at Alan Colmes. Maybe we shouldn't. He resembles a skeleton, and not a healthy skeleton. His hair changes color now and then, weird colors. He looks about as good as he sounds on his show, and that isn't good. I am beginning to think it should just be called, "Hannity." One of their guests is another scary guy. Dick Morris used to work for Bill Clinton. They had their spats and apparently, Bill got so mad at Dick, he chased him across the White House lawn and tackled him! I would have loved to see that! Anyway, poor Dick is sooo scary! He wears more makeup than I do and has some seriously puffy hair. I am inclined to believe that once his gig was up with Bill, he went the route of the drag queen. He must make it to Hannity and Colmes within minutes of his show, as witnessed by the swoosh of blush on his chubby cheeks.

If we take a look at the Fox women, we will see what the Fox stands for. Lori Dhue, is a busty, bleach blonde with gigantic, lusty lips. She isn't listed on the personality list anymore. I am wondering what it is that she will "do." Maybe Playboy called her, I don't know.

Megyn Kelly is attractive, though in need of a hairstyle change, like many of the Fox women. She is smart and pretty so she is easier to pay attention to. She is a lawyer and way better to watch than that smarmy Geraldo Rivera.

Uma Pemmaraju is pretty attractive. She is the first Indian/American newscaster. Like the others, she is very intelligent and has a long list of accomplishments. She also has eyes that could burn a hole in you. Literally, they are lasers.

Lis Wiehl is pretty close to Megyn. Both are lawyers, attractive, blond and in desperate need of an update in the hair department.

Yet another Fox blond, is Ainsley Earhardt. Did I forget to mention she is another blond? Didn't think so. She has a journalism degree and was named "Best Personality of the Year," in Columbia, SC. No lawyer, but I guess it doesn't matter when you are a guy, married or not, and want your wife/girlfriend to think you are watching the news to get something, other than a boner, out of it.

I really don't want to get into Ann Colter. I worked in a prison and she scares me. Personally, I think that she and Hannity are in the coat closet during commercials. She is smart, brash and has alot of blond hair. Like most of the other women, she wears short skirts. What is this all about? I don't see the men strutting around in Speedos and I suppose that is a good thing. Dick Morris in a Speedo would likely make me so ill, that Greta Van Susteren would probably start looking good. YIKES!


ShirenaG said...

I used to work for a dry cleaner in town and I noticed a very attractive young guy that would bring his clothes in on a regular basis. I even told my husband about said attractive guy.
Not 24 hours later we were watching the news and he was the meteorologist! Matt Makens! He was even better looking in person than on tv, it's too bad I had to quit that job and he moved away...

MamaMia said...

LOL! I saw Mark Bogner and person and he isn't bad at all!

Anonymous said...

You are a freaking moron. Glad to see that our country is full of people who only watch the news if the news people are hot. Thank God we are heading into a recession. Perhaps as one of the uneducated masses you will feel the need to jump off a bridge when no one will employ you. We would only be so lucky.

MamaMia said...

First, I am not a moron. This is satire, something elementary schools teach. Second, I am a sahm, that is stay at home mom for you, since I doubt you knew. Third, I am educated, what is your deal???

Diane said...

Lmao at anonymous. What a retard, oh wait that is a word that is not allowed. Let me find a better one for said person. hmmm asshat? okay anyway, apparently said person apparently doesn't know you so they would not know how smart/educated you are. What a dumbass. Anyway maybe in this day and time that person (why anonymous?) should be a little less quick to judge. Oh well they'll probably be the first one jumping off a bridge. Also as SAHM's we have to have something too look at as we are watching the news. Makes for a nice break in just looking at kids all day.

BTW I like Anderson Cooper, he's a bit sexy.

Anonymous said...

Girl your the best person ever. I am so proud to call you my friend. I agree with D you are very smart and educated. I think its funny that someone would make a smart ass comment on something that doesnt even matter in this world. Most likely someone that is sitting in the mirror asking to themselves why no one looks at them and thinks "hey why am I not hot" lmao. you go girl.
Its your friendly Canadian :)