Dear Obama...

Dear Obama,

I think that it is great that you are going to be the next President of the United States! I thought I would give you an idea of why I think you are such a great guy and perfect for the job.

I am sitting here watching a DVD of my unborn baby. I am about 7 months pregnant with another little girl. She looks pretty good but I am feeling depressed and am thinking of having an abortion. I know it is late term but I have heard that you are a champion of women's reproductive rights. I hear that means that late term abortions are ok, as long as I get a doctor's note, saying that I am depressed and it is all because of the child I'm carrying. Well, I haven't slept much lately, so I am hoping to qualify for that note. Once, the baby is aborted, she will be thrown in the trash, even if she is breathing. What was that nurse's name that held that little boy as he died? I want her there, so at least there is some comfort for the child I killed. Thanks for your vote!

You know, I think I like Bill Ayers. He seems cool. Maybe I could start my political career in his living room. I am willing to overlook the fact that he tried to blow up police stations and the Pentagon and shows zero remorse. That is a tough guy and I would be proud to have him assigned to any government office. Maybe Secretary of Defense would be a good position. Mingle the domestic terrorists and the foreign terrorists. Maybe you could book a nice hotel for a big reunion/get together for all of the people that hate us in the world. I hear Hamas endorses you! That is great news! Congrats on that! Maybe you can invite them too.

I hear Acorn is quite the organization. Good for you for helping people get housing etc. I hear that they are having a bang up year getting people registered to vote. I can't believe that Mickey Mouse has registered! That is damn fine news. There are Seven Dwarfs, so that would be 7 more votes! They might need a place to live too. As far as I know, they are white, so maybe you could make an exception. If you need more cigarettes, let me know, I will go buy some at QT, so you can hand them out to those people that keep registering. I must say that cigarettes and cash will get you a long way. To be honest with you, that is how I enticed my husband into marrying me. I added a little booze, but figure it's all good!

You know, I agree with Michelle about how she is only recently proud of the US. We pretty much suck on all fronts and I for one am glad she has the balls to tell it like it is. Maybe she should have been your choice for VP. Let Biden go back to that restaurant he likes. Oh, I forgot, it closed a long time ago. It's ok because I hear his memory is failing. Something about a helicopter forced down. Yes, snowstorms are a bitch! Anyway, I am proud of this country more than ever. If we can get Mickey Mouse to register to vote, then hot damn, we are ready for anything!

You know, I wanted to point out that I am not a huge fan of McCain either. He is an old man, a guy that was tortured daily, while in the Hanoi Hilton. Man, I hear Hilton's are really nice! Maybe I will ask my husband if we can go to one. We should have plenty of money, after all of his earnings go to pay for everyone to have healthcare. That reminds me, I am willing to give up my choice of doctor's just so your plan will work. If I get really sick or one of my kids does, I am totally willing to wait months to see whatever doctor will see me and if I need surgery, I will wait as long as it takes. Man, Socialist medicine ROCKS!

In conclusion, I am thrilled that you are President! Just so you know, I don't care if you are black either. I certainly don't consider myself a racist, anytime a person with little political background and shady friends want to run for office, I will show them my support, no matter what their color. As for Sarah, she may have better legs, but you have better policy.

Thanks and have a nice day!