Insert sad face here

I am sad for my friend! A man she loved dearly has disappointed her to the point of leaving him. This isn't to say there aren't extenuating circumstances that need to be addressed but you always feel a sense of loss when you split with someone. I feel it too. When I receive email from her, I can feel her pain, the sense of loneliness that comes from leaving someone close. We have all been there, hearts aching, eyes brimming with tears that come as soon as you hit the pillow, an empty feeling in the pit of our stomachs. Only time can heal this type of wound, however, our hearts don't tell time and are unaware of the pain that every ounce of our body feels every time we pass a restaurant we ate at, a movie we once watched together or a song on the radio that was our favorite. I can only hope that my friend and her man can work things out. That he gets the help that he desperately needs to in order to maintain a healthy relationship and healthy family life. That he can make her happy til the end of their days. I am hoping for him...

Oh, the woes!

Mia is 2 1/2. I am thinking it is time to stop paying for diapers and let's potty train! What the hell was I thinking? I don't have a Potty PhD and apparently never will. This has been more complicated than trying to figure out whether we should have kids or not. I thought the first order of business should be panty buying. Not just an ordinary thong will do for a toddler! Off we went to Toys R' Us for big girl panties. I let her peruse the display of every known cartoon character that ever appeared on underwear. She, of course, picked the Elmo ones, didn't even need a second look. She calls them, "Mo DD pannies." It is very cute. Next, we get a potty chair and even a "Mo DD" potty seat for the big potty, just trying to cover all the bases. If she wants to go in a bush, I will buy one of those too. I stayed home every day for a week trying to get the potty training taken care of. It went pretty well. She told me when she was ready to pee and I set her on the big potty. She went, got a sticker and moved on. Then, one day she decided no more Mo DD pannies! Lo and behold, we were not pottying in the potty anymore. I felt like a failure. My 2 year old can't, or won't, pee in the big potty, not even with snack bribes or a brand new Coach bag. Nothing. So, here I sit with a case of diapers and daughter that tells me when she needs a diaper change. No, worries, she still has a couple of years before kindergarten so maybe I will still have time.

Working on my fitness...

Up until this past week, I was visiting my local Y three times a week. A fellow mommy persuaded me to go sit on a bike with her for 20 minutes. Twenty minutes isn't really anything. For one thing, I never broke a sweat. Truly the only thing that happened from this semi-workout, is that Mia would become hysterical in the Kid Zone nursery. She was getting the workout, not me. Granted, I don't think a raging crying fit burns many calories. Eventually, I started going alone, sometimes meeting up and sometimes not. I found that I can do an hour of pretty good cardio without feeling like I am going to die. It feels good to sweat and my skin looks great! Well, I am also supposed to be lifting weights for, what my trainer calls, "toning." I think he is full of crap! My boobs are already big enough, thank you, very much. It is nice to be at the Y first thing in the morning. The only people there are elderly men that can use the Arc machine better than me, the fitness freaks(you know the ones, tight clothes, run for an hour at the highest speed on the treadmill) and firemen. Hmmm... I am hoping that if I keel over on the Arc, that at the very least a nice looking firemen comes to rescue me.

Money, money, money

Yesterday, my beloved and I were at our home away from home, or as it is called in the retail world, the Coleman outlet. It is a place that commonly finds us dropping large sums of money all in the pursuit of the most excellent camping experience. I abhor camping, unless there is a good firm, king size bed and a spacious bathroom within the "tent." Anyway, I was standing around watching Mia dismantle the insulated cup display, when I saw money laying in front of the cash register area. I walked over and could clearly see that it was a $100 bill! I don't see them regularly so I looked at it and told the check out guy that someone lost their money. He seemed to remember it was a guy that bought a stove and had a wad of bills. He was long gone. He put the money aside and told his manager and they agreed to hold it out, for when the guy came back. While the thought of keeping the money never entered my mind, my question is will the guy think that he lost $100 at the Coleman store? What will they do with it, if he doesn't come back? Honestly, I don't think that the employee should keep it but I don't know if I deserve it either. It wasn't long ago that I was sitting in the school parking lot and watched some money blow out of a mom's pocket. I rushed out to get it before it blew away. It was a $20 bill. The lady checked her pocket and realized she also was missing a $5 bill. I ran back to her car and there it was. I gave it to her and she was thankful. It seems that I have been finding quite a bit of money lately. It would seem that my honesty is being tested. I believe that I have passed and am wondering what the next test will be. Lord, please don't let it be patience!

Boycott

I am officially boycotting summer! There are many reasons for boycotting summer. The first reason, it is so incredibly hot in Kansas that your clothes stick to all parts of your body. You begin to sweat right after you get out of the shower. In fact, sometimes I am unsure as to what I am towelling off. Another valid reason for boycotting summer is that Kansas is landlocked, no water to cool off in. Of course, there are lakes, but they are brown and we are forced to use them for our water supply. Plus, there is always that shark factor, you know what I mean. Of course, there are rivers, but they are brown and frequently have bodies floating in them and I don't mean for a leisurely float either. Another reason that I don't like summer is that I don't like the sun. I will wear a hat and cover my entire my body in clothes and sunscreen, all of which adds to that sweat factor. Very unpleasant. Therefore, I am appealing to Nancy Pelosi to sign some kind of Congressional veto to end summer. Maybe she can huff and puff and blow it away with all of her hot air.

ANTZ

The other afternoon, I walked into the kitchen for a drink. What I saw was shocking, to say the least. The floor was moving! Upon closer inspection, I could see some very large ants roaming around. They had entered from the window, which I closed immediately. Mia walked in and screamed, "Ants!" at the top of her lungs. I tried to step on them but the little suckers wouldn't die. I resorted to pulling out the vacuum and Hoovering them up. I have been keeping the window shut and no more ants have appeared. That is until... I hear this little voice, yelling at the top of her lungs, "Ants!" I rush in to assess the ant amount and sure enough, with the window closed, there are still ants coming in to visit. Mia is hysterical and begins randomly stomping on the defenseless ants with her pink Elmo shoes. It doesn't work so I smash them and remove their lifeless carcasses with a paper towel. I will have to wash the floor tomorrow as some of the remains lay embedded in the grout. What a fun way to start the day!

We want you as a new recruit!

I was in the middle of making jambalaya pasta, when the phone rang. Of course, I was removing the limbs and innards of a shrimp so my hands were nice and clean. This sexy, smooth, dark chocolate voice asked for me. I answered that it was me. Dark Chocolate told me that I had been attending classes at the local junior college. Yeah, so? It was at that point he became Sgt. Dark Chocolate, local Army recruiter. I offered my first comment, that I was too old. Not a problem, I still have a couple of more years to go before I was considered "too old" or to deaf to hear the drill seargent yelling in my face. I mentioned that I am overweight. I am told that weight is relative. Hmm... Well, if you think that you are going to get my fat ass before dawn to run, you are high and the army needs to get you in for drug testing ASAP. Next, I tried that I was married with 2 kids. Still not a problem. Ok, well I have to drop my son at school by 815, so I will see you after all physical activity has been done for the day. I guess they have bootcamp daycare because I don't think any of these people want to watch a 2 year old. Finally, I broke it to Sgt. Dark Chocolate that I was injured on the job at a correctional facility and would not be able to participate in any activity where there were teenagers yelling at me about what I could and could not do, after all , that had been my job at the prison. There was no reply. I thanked him for calling and told him that I had to return to dismantling shrimp for my dinner and have a nice day. Guess I will talk to him again in a few weeks.